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March has not been a good month for me over the past two years… I’m glad it’s almost over.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written in this space. I wish I could say “no news is good news”, but that is not the case.

Several years ago I ran across a poem that contained the line “so much death awaits you”. Those words did not mean much to me then, but they just struck me. I now know what those words mean. I know we are all mortal. I know everyone that I know will someday die. But I did not think that I would have to be dealing with it in my mid-20s. These should be the best years of my life, but all I ever see is death. I know it is not true, but it seems like I have nothing for which to look forward. I guess I’m just not really seeing the point of it all.

My grandmother died on March 7th. It came somewhat as a shock because nobody knew how sick she was. What’s worse is the one-year anniversary of may Dad’s death was exactly one week later.

My Grandma Tina lived a meager life alone in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I won’t get into the specifics on how that came to be, but just know that it is a sad tale. This past week we packed up all of my grandmother’s things and took them to my mom’s house. It’s amazing how the entire life of one person can fit in a single van.

Yesterday, my cat, Tigger died. He was 17 years old. It seems that the cat given to me at age 9 by my father was the last link I had to the life I knew before I encountered death.

With every death I’ve dealt with, a piece of me dies, and now it feels like I’m past half-dead.

I guess the only good news I have to report is that I’ve found a place where I feel like I belong. Santa Fe feels ten times more like home to me than anywhere I grew up in Colorado. It must be in my blood. I keep saying to myself that I’ll live there one day. But if I don’t do anything soon, “one day” will never come. Maybe a change of scenery is what I need to find any meaning to this miserable existence.

Here ya go Wolfa:

Notary Application

(BTW, I guess I should get around to updating this site… I haven’t written anything here since February, and a lot has happened since then.)