uniqueness-template

Clarity, or lack of it:
A short few days ago, I seemed to hit my stride again… everything seemed clear. It’s getting hazy again.

I need to be more organized.
Papers flock to unforseen nests.
I need to be more responsible.
Issues arise and I sink lower.
I need to have more fun.
Ignoring the bad leaves little time for enjoying the good.

Today was perfect car show weather.

Why is it that the things that are forbidden are the most appealing?

Today, I watched the sunset. I await the dawning of a new day.

I’ve finally admitted the source of my pain. In a perfect world, your parents are supposed to take of you–you are not not supposed to take care of your parents; especially when they would have never asked you to do it. This is an imperfect world.
I would do it again in a heartbeat, however. Whatever they needed, if it was within my power, I would do it without a second thought. I have never blamed my parents or held any resentment against them. But I felt like I was trapped. Nothing I did made it right. I did what I could, always feeling like I should have done more.
Everyone thought that I was an extraordinary person for doing the things I did–but that’s what killed me: I knew I wasn’t a great person…I’m not even a good person. I am most comfortable when I am alone, and most lonely when people are around. I tend to over do it where alcohol is concerned. My “social skills” aren’t exactly great. And every time I’ve tried to change, I couldn’t.

I can’t fucking believe that I will never be able to talk to or be with my dad for the rest of my life. I am almost certain that dad thought the two people who knew him best wereme and mom… but I felt like I barely knew him. Dad gave me several opportunities to talk about things, but I did not take advantage of them because I was in denial about his impending death. We both said what needed to be said, but there are so many things that didn’t seem “important” at the time that I wish I would have asked or would have said.
But I know I have to move on… and every day I’m trying real hard.

Welcome to Uniqueness-Template.com! I’ve always wanted to have an outlet for my daily musings and random thoughts, and now (thanks to someone who will remain anonymous), it is now a reality.
I hope that something of my life is useful, humorous, or insightful to somebody out there, If not, at least I’ll know where I’ve been, and perhaps that will help me to get where I am going.